Night Moves
Chapter: The Comic
How many times have you tried to sneak in a little extra surf time before going to bed? And if you’re guilty as charged, how does your spouse react when you’re “caught in the act”?
Anyway, here’s the inked version of that comic – I originally intended to have panels 1 – 3 wordless. But then I felt that some people might not understand the subtleties of Bob’s behavior. My other concern was that folks might think Bob was sleeping in panel 1.
What say you? let me know your thoughts…
-Krishna
Update:
Another version (based on reader John Muir’s feedback)
Update 2: Here was my original version. I’ve updated the comic to the entirely wordless option that John suggested. It’s sublime. (Thanks, John!)
These beautiful and intelligent people wrote
Tell me what you think!
Laurent Dumas
July 23, 2008 at 12:58 amDear Krishna,
The 3 first panels would definetelxy be better without the thoughts. Bob is only pretending to sleep in the first panel, that’s what most people will think after seeing the next panels.
And the last panel should be as is.
(Wow, am I a smartass!)
Cheers,
Laurent.
Jason Reed
July 23, 2008 at 1:20 amI’ve had it when I wake up in the middle of the night with an allergy attack, and so as not to wake the wife and baby with all the sneezing I’ll take an allergy tablet and go lay on the couch … where my laptop normally sits … and yeah I start getting online and surfing around or start programming which when my wife realizes that I’m not in bed will come to the living room and find me on the computer and reminds me that I need to get some sleep before going to work. Which normally gets me to turn off the laptop and doze for a couple more hours.
John Muir
July 23, 2008 at 8:54 amAnother vote for the no thought bubbles option. Just have a look at this to see it in action:
http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/
Your original plan would have worked nicely with no words at all except Pam’s line in the last panel … and in fact even that one is optional. Think about it. The setup which Bob describes in panels one and two could be left aside for a caption, and if you put that after the strip it can also benefit from a knowing tone. There’s even space for followup gags that way, including Bob’s inevitable wonder at how she could fake sleep well enough to catch him.
Less words also makes for less translation issues. Vision is the original global language.
krishna
July 23, 2008 at 9:06 amAn excellent point, John. I didn’t even think of the possibility of eliminating all the dialogue. I’m strongly inclined to rework this ‘toon… it may change before the day is over.
John Muir
July 23, 2008 at 12:39 pmNice!
hari
July 23, 2008 at 1:23 pmThe wordless version is excellent.
Don’t underestimate the power of your artwork. :)
Mathew Jenkinson
July 23, 2008 at 1:53 pmYeap, Ive had that…
I dont even get ‘Looking for this’ anymore I just get a look. lol
Laurent Dumas
July 23, 2008 at 6:06 pmShe should say: “Looking for this?” Maybe in an animated version you could pan on the device, but here it would be stronger with her words. Even, maybe, the “Rats!” would be right.
Anyway, nice to be able to compare both.
Great job.
Long way to go.
:-)
Krishna
July 23, 2008 at 10:54 pmI put the last bubble back in – a few people mentioned they got lost. I can’t please everyone but I see where they’re coming from.
Krishna
July 23, 2008 at 10:56 pmInterestingly enough, that was what I had originally come up with in the very beginning. Go figure. :)
hari
July 23, 2008 at 11:51 pmAlways stick to your first idea. Sometimes I figure that it works far too well. I’ve tweaked many ideas and ruined them in the process.
Sometimes it’s better that some people “don’t” get the joke to make the joke more effective for people who “get it”. Get it? ;)
Krishna
July 24, 2008 at 5:48 amGot it!