Behold! The roughs for today’s strip. Inks and colors will surface soon.
With regards to the subject matter in today’s toon, perhaps you can relate?
Here’s my version. Aarti’s (up above) I think works better. Thoughts?
Yep, I agree, Aarti’s is definitely better. :-)
I *knew* there was a reason I married her. ;)
Aarti wins! LOL!!! Her version sets up the gag in a more direct way. What a team!
Gotta give it to Aarti – short and to the point!
My wife would NEVER say anything like that to me. She’s too busy on her laptop(s) to notice.
In my honest feedback, neither version works particularly well. They are just a trifle too obvious as punch lines. The joke seems a bit forced in the second version (the line “this machine” was just asking for it).
Maybe the gag itself doesn’t work so well in any case, so it’s not your comic that’s the problem here.
Maybe I’m overcritical, but I come to expect high standards of you, so a slight drop does jar slightly.
Hari, sorry it doesn’t work for you.
Nothing against the comic as such. I think you’ve put the maximum possible impact into it, but the gag itself is not so punchy.
I always tend to review from a creator’s angle, so my critiques will be a bit more intense than others…
I always struggle with dialogue. It’s the toughest thing for me to get right. I’ve tweaked it yet again.
I agree, Krishna. While people think that drawing is hard, and anyone can write (right?), writing is about ten times as hard as drawing, in the thinking department, that is.
How about doing a short running story over several days, where you have more time to set up a situation? I like the single strips, but the story in several strips gets me more involved to read the next one. And yes, I know that is even harder. I miss those short stories, though.
The new lighting in the panels and the tweaked dialogue actually make this work quite well. :)
Hey. This comic inspired me to cookup a blog post. :)
I have linked to this page and was wondering if I can showcase your strip in my post. Let me know :)
Sure thing, Aljiro! :) Thanks!
Its up now at http://aljiro.com/productivity/taking-a-time-out/
Check it out :)