Time Out

Behold! The roughs for today’s strip. Inks and colors will surface soon.

With regards to the subject matter in today’s toon, perhaps you can relate?

-Krishna

Here’s my version. Aarti’s (up above) I think works better. Thoughts?

alt (my version)

These beautiful and intelligent people wrote

  • Michael KinyonReply
    April 17, 2010 at 9:51 pm

    Yep, I agree, Aarti’s is definitely better. :-)

    • KrishnaReply
      April 17, 2010 at 9:55 pm

      I *knew* there was a reason I married her. ;)

  • Jose GonzalezReply
    April 17, 2010 at 10:01 pm

    Aarti wins! LOL!!! Her version sets up the gag in a more direct way. What a team!

  • iDorfReply
    April 17, 2010 at 10:14 pm

    Gotta give it to Aarti – short and to the point!

  • Barry BuchananReply
    April 17, 2010 at 10:44 pm

    My wife would NEVER say anything like that to me. She’s too busy on her laptop(s) to notice.

  • hariReply
    April 17, 2010 at 11:11 pm

    In my honest feedback, neither version works particularly well. They are just a trifle too obvious as punch lines. The joke seems a bit forced in the second version (the line “this machine” was just asking for it).

    Maybe the gag itself doesn’t work so well in any case, so it’s not your comic that’s the problem here.

    Maybe I’m overcritical, but I come to expect high standards of you, so a slight drop does jar slightly.

    • krishnaReply
      April 18, 2010 at 2:57 am

      Hari, sorry it doesn’t work for you.

      • hariReply
        April 18, 2010 at 3:54 am

        Nothing against the comic as such. I think you’ve put the maximum possible impact into it, but the gag itself is not so punchy.

        I always tend to review from a creator’s angle, so my critiques will be a bit more intense than others…

      • KrishnaReply
        April 18, 2010 at 4:24 am

        I always struggle with dialogue. It’s the toughest thing for me to get right. I’ve tweaked it yet again.

  • ReneReply
    April 18, 2010 at 6:17 am

    I agree, Krishna. While people think that drawing is hard, and anyone can write (right?), writing is about ten times as hard as drawing, in the thinking department, that is.

    How about doing a short running story over several days, where you have more time to set up a situation? I like the single strips, but the story in several strips gets me more involved to read the next one. And yes, I know that is even harder. I miss those short stories, though.

  • hariReply
    April 19, 2010 at 8:32 am

    The new lighting in the panels and the tweaked dialogue actually make this work quite well. :)

  • AljiroReply
    April 19, 2010 at 9:24 am

    Hey. This comic inspired me to cookup a blog post. :)

    http://aljiro.com/productivity/taking-a-time-out/

    I have linked to this page and was wondering if I can showcase your strip in my post. Let me know :)

    Thanks

Tell me what you think!